clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
