It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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