I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
