he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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