Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Randomize
