just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
