Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
