they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Randomize
