Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
