he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
