FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
