gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
