You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
