have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
