And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
