I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
im six kinds of drunk right now
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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