Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
