He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
