also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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