hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
