Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
