Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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