I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
