do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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