He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
