soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
