Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
