hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
