Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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