I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
