It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
