woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
