He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You are a genius and a whore.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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