well you can't waste a boner
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
