38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
