I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
