My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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