Welp...herpes.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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