Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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