U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
