I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
