Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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