I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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