I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
