I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
