If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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