just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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