you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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