so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
