9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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